Friday, December 14, 2012

Guest Post: Janelle Lee

Please Welcome Janelle Lee

If Christmas is so wonderful why is everyone acting insane?

     Once you get the gift buying out of the way it is time for the next instalment of the Christmas craziness for it is time to make THE decision – stay home or go and visit the relo’s?

     The choice you have to make have advantages and disadvantages.

     If you stay home you have the home ground advantage, which is always an advantage but then you have to set a menu because KFC isn’t open on Christmas day. You have to do all the cooking this is always a problem in our house as no one likes my cooking besides I haven’t cooked Christmas lunch since I set fire to the chicken in the BBQ a few years back.

     But the thing that brings everyone undone is putting up the Christmas tree. No one wants to do it as the rule is ‘you put it up you take it down.’ By the time January comes around no one has the drive or inclination to do it and leaving it up for next Christmas is considered poor form. With the rule strictly enforced the Christmas tree never left the cupboard last year. Even having visitors for the festivities couldn’t conjure up enough enthusiasm for anyone to put it up. Bribery didn’t work.

     “Well, we will have to do something we have visitors,” I noted as I sat in my recliner watching the movie of the week.

     “The tree has only one leg and the angel has lost an eye and a wing,” number two child complained. “You can’t put it up it is embarrassing. Why don’t you just throw it away and get a new one.”

     “Because I am watching the movie besides would you get rid of me just because I lost a limb and an eye?”

     “Ah yes,” he replied.

     I crossed him off my Christmas list.

     “I will do it,” the baby called out.

     “I knew there was a reason why I had you.”

    I should have been suspicious as she never ‘volunteers’ but I was busy watching the worse movie ever made.

    “Do you need a hand?” I called to her in the ad break.

    “Nope, it is all under control, Mum, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your life.”

    Sarcasm she volunteers all so well.

    I got the full extent of her ‘volunteering ‘a few minutes later when she came and stuck the drawing of the Christmas tree onto the wall. I had to hand it to her. I had to admire her initiative.

    If you choose to go the other way and have Christmas away from home that can only mean the dreaded Christmas road trip, the one thousand kilometre journey to hell. You arrive covered in vomit to be yelled at by your father because you are an hour late. “You could have rung?” he demands.

    “What on my shoe phone,” you retort because your mobile phone hasn’t had any coverage for five hundred miserable kilometres. “I would have sent up a smoke signal but there is a total fire ban on.”

    And thus begins Christmas with the relatives.

     It is about now the distant relative shows up without warning and empty handed. He is the cousin twice removed on your mother’s side that you have never met and would never want to again. He proceeds to drink far too much of the Christmas spirit and all the while you have a vice like grip on your champagne flute as you stare at him and understand why suddenly normal people snap with such murderous intent. And that is before the same relative suddenly becomes an expert on everything. All the while old Uncle Dave is sitting in the chair in the corner complaining about sitting in the chair in the corner until the Christmas spirit hits him and he promptly falls asleep.

    Your father then proceeds to torture the grandchildren with jokes that weren’t funny thirty years ago, does that stop him? No, it only encourages him. Your kids look at you pleading for it to stop, you don’t though you figure that you had to put up with it thirty years ago it was about time it was someone elses turn so you just drink and wish you were in another family.

    And just when you think things are going as well as they possible can some fool drags out the board game and it is on for young and old. Even old Uncle Dave comes alive when the game begins and suddenly that one thousand kilometre vomit fuelled trip doesn’t seem so bad.

    Merry Christmas.

The Dollhouse by Dani-Lyn Alexander

When Jason and Leah both grab the last dollhouse left in the city, neither of them is willing to let go. They go in search of another dollhouse, and both find more than they bargain for.

Santa Bebe by Lily Carlyle

While visions of wealthy men danced in her head…will Santa bring Bebe what she’s always wanted this year?

Connect The Dots by Jennifer M. Eaton

Sad and alone, Jill cries herself to sleep on Christmas Eve, unaware of the true magic Christmas day can bring…and how discarded wishes have a way of coming true, no matter how ridiculous they may seem.

Relinquishing Christmas by Janelle Lee

Rachel McVeigh isn't about to celebrate Christmas. She has been abandoned by her husband, her God, and finds herself alone and pregnant. There would be no Christmas miracle for her... or would there?

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  1. LOL Sounds as if we might be related, Janelle. Oh, and here's a tip I learned a few years ago. If you purchase a tree these days, they usually come in a box a picture on the front. The angel sits nicely on top. ;-)

  2. I experience the same ambivalence over putting up a tree. Probably because I live in a national forest and am surrounding by majestic pines. But I do love a family board game.

  3. This is great! Thanks for the giveaway!